When distance makes it difficult or when your parents have not made decisions in advance of an emergency, made informed decisions about life-sustaining medical care, or made certain that powers of attorney and instructions for end of life issues are in place, the task falls to their children.

Even if they have made all or some of these arrangements and decisions, you’ll still want to understand them clearly and have the right conversations with them. You may be left wondering how to deal with issues foreign to you as you make your way through the range of options and issues.

Communicating with Elderly Parents

Talking with aging parents about their living situations and the possible need for change is not always easy. Success depends (to some degree) on the relationship you have with them, as well as their mental, emotional and physical condition.

While many adult children put off serious conversations to avoid conflict or awkwardness, both parents and children could lose an opportunity for understanding, closeness, access to information that may affect the decision, and optimum peace of mind.

These conversations are extremely helpful because they put you in a better position to make decisions later when your parent may not be able to.

The following are suggestions for conversations with your elderly parent:

• Share your feelings. Reassure your parent(s) that you will support them and that you can be depended upon to help them solve their problems.
• Help your parents retain whatever control is possible in making their own decisions. Respect and try to honor their wishes wherever feasible.
• Encourage the smallest change possible at each step; that way your parent(s) can better adjust to the change.
• Educate yourself on legal, financial and medical matters that pertain to your parent’s situation as background for your conversations, including current knowledge on the aging process.
• Respect your own needs. Be honest about your time and energy limits.

If this kind of conversation seems impossible or the situation and/or relationship becomes overwhelming, professional counseling could help.

Try to find a counselor who specializes in inter-generational issues.

SSIC offers caregiver support and education for those who are caring for elderly parents. We are a solid resource that you can count on.

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